A Year Of Unlearning

When 2019 was coming to a close, I dubbed 2020, "The Year of Unlearning." My personal experience with 2018 and 2019 had been devastating. Between multiple sudden losses of friends and family members and an ongoing battle with self-doubt,and a plethora of continued not-so-helpful habits, I was ready for a reset! Those two years were spent learning all the things I didn't want to experience again and all of the thoughts I wanted to rid myself of. ⁣⁣

So as 2020 crept closer, I spent some time thinking about how I could make this year different. I'd had a word follow me around for two years, and although its role in my life would never truly end, it felt like time to put it to good use. That word was "understanding." What did I come to understand? That nearly everything I thought I knew about myself and the world around me was viewed through a lens that didn't belong to me. I wanted to unlearn bad habits and negative thoughts and rebuild myself into the person I feel called to be.

Ten weeks into 2020, our country went into quarantine. Everything we knew and loved came to a screeching halt. Suddenly, we all had no choice but to “unlearn.” We had to unlearn what our days had looked like. Work. A trip to the grocery store. School. Being outside. A giant rug was pulled out from underneath the entire world and we were forced to adapt. It was uncomfortable, challenging, frustrating and at times, scary.

And what did we do? We adapted. Forgive me for geeking out for a moment, but with the exception of a small but loud group of people, THE ENTIRE WORLD ADAPTED! I felt such a warmth in my heart despite all the difficulties it brought me because I watched growth happen in real time and had no way of understanding its impact at first. I marveled at our human ability to face adversity. I was amazed at our ability to adjust, push through and confront challenge head on despite all the uncomfortable feelings that came with a global pandemic.

This process felt somewhat familiar to me. It is a lot like therapy - where it feels like change is slow and unclear in the moment, but when you look back after some time, the “old you” is almost unrecognizable. These are my favorite moments as a therapist - not so I get to see what an amazing therapist I am and to pat myself on the back, but to be able to watch the look on my clients’ faces as they realize that all those moments of struggle they wrestled through over many months has blossomed into a new understanding of what it means to exist. That they have unlearned old habits and rebuilt their lives into something to be proud of. A safe place to call home in uncertain times.

You did that! We all did. And this great unlearning-rebuilding process is something we can all be proud of as we continue to face the challenges throughout 2020 and beyond.

 -Claire Morrison, MA, AMFT

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